Hello everyone
Don't know if you have picked up this months OPRAH magazine yet - but it has a great article that I found a worthy read, and definitely food for thought when we look at our behaviour patterns, what they mean, and what they result in
Happy week-end to you all.
Remember : Negative self talk is a powerful enemy...don't let your guard down and let it win !
Just for today ! 
Martha Beck : How to Start Taking Care of Yourself
Do you focus on other people’s problems to avoid your own? And do you feel you have to do it all when you can delegate the work? Martha Beck shares how to cope better in these situations – and take care of yourself.
If you fall into one of the three categories below, Martha Beck has advice on how to move away from harmful behavioural patterns and towards your best life ...
Hormonal Helpfulness
All women secrete oxytocin under pressure – and it often creates the “tend-and-befriend” response, which urges women to support and comfort others.
The Fix: Turning Helper Hormones on Yourself
If you’re a hormonal over-helper, schedule a foot rub, lure your mate into bed or pet the cat until it purrs in your lap. Get touched. Be especially diligent about this in times of stress. Over-helpers may offer assistance to get a “fix” when they themselves need comfort. This is a quick trick to exhaustion and resentment. The next time you’re upset, instead of focusing on trying to help others, pat your own hand to make yourself feel better. The more you place your full attention on giving yourself comfort, the less you’ll help others who don’t want it.
Avoidance Assistance
“I’m dying to start my own business,” says Susan, a 30-something homemaker, “but I’m too busy pitching in with my sister’s and my husband’s lives. I never get a minute to myself.” This makes Susan’s loved ones grind their teeth to the gums. They experience her constant support as intrusive.
Susan focused on other people’s problems to avoid the scary prospect of following personal dreams. Author Julia Cameron uses the term “shadow artist” to refer to someone who lurks on the fringes of achievement, helping others attain what they want for themselves.
The Fix: Connect with Anger
Avoidance assisters rarely admit to being angry – just worn-out and disappointed. But anger is a healthy response to over-helping at the cost of your own dreams, so give your frustrations a voice. Fill in the blanks below with words that come to mind.
“I’m tired of helping ––––– [name]. If I never had to worry about him or her again, I’d have time to –––.”
Now take half an hour off from assisting others, and spend the time working on the thing you supposedly never have time for. If you’re an avoidance assister, this may feel terrifying. Get used to it. Taking your own risks and creating your best destiny is always scary, but both you and others will benefit if you pour your helpful energy into your own life.
Messiah Madness
Every night, Ivan gives his girlfriend the same speech. “I practically have to run the whole office by myself,” he complains. When his girlfriend suggests delegating work, he ignores her. He believes the moment he stops helping is the moment he stops mattering. The only problem is that his assistance comes off as arrogance. To ensure that he’ll always be needed, Ivan criticises his colleagues mercilessly. Their work is never good enough until he’s “fixed” it. He thinks they depend on him.
The Fix: Give Support, Not Help
There’s a big difference between help and support. Help tells the recipient, “You’re needy and weak – I’m needy and strong.” It forces others into a supplicant’s position, while the helper gets to play hero. If you really want to serve others, stop doing things you resent and say something like this: “You know, Bob, I’m positive you’ll figure out a way to solve your problem. You can do it! I’m right here, cheering!”
Say this to yourself, right now, and you’ll feel that even as self-talk, it’s empowering. Offer that same encouragement to others.
Nurture yourself and support others without assuming responsibility you resent and feel your energy switch from “Eek!” to “Aah!” You’ll become a content, self-contained source of personal well-being, a model who shows others how they can achieve the same state. And that’s the kind of help that really never hurts.
