Know your Mind | Love your Body

Happy Monday - whether you have taken the day off, or not.

After a long week end of braais and bounty, I heard my dark wolf snarl at my excesses. 

I was ready.

Back off Fluffy !

The way we experience our bodies often parallels the way we experience our core selves. 

So if we are tough on our bodies — bashing our weight, shape or wrinkles — we will likely be tough on our core and have a conditional self-esteem. 

Appreciating our bodies with all their imperfections can help us cultivate a more accepting view of ourselves as a whole. 

Think about how amazing the body really is. For instance, did you know that the heart, pumps three thousand gallons of blood per day? 

Kilo by kilo our bodies produce 5 times more energy than sun ?

Think of your best friend, partner, kids or pets. Why do you love them? 

Undoubtedly it has little to do with their flawless traits. 

We don’t wait to love others until they’re perfect. 

So don't wait until you are perfect to love yourself.

Perfectionism paralyses us and keeps us from accomplishing our goals.

Appreciate your body. 

Just for today.

Inside job

So happiness - isn't that the thing that all of us strive to find and keep? 

Nobody is happy all of the time, but some people are definitely more fulfilled than others. 

Studies on what makes people happy reveal that it doesn't have much to do with material goods or high achievement; it seems to whittle down to your outlook on life, and the quality of your relationships with the people around you.

Surround yourself with your favourite people. Take responsibility for your happiness.

Just for today.

Your Top Ten Hit Parade

We know how important practicing GRATITUDE is on our journey. 

But, did you know that scientific research is proving the importance of gratitude and the impact it has on our lives?

Recently, the School of Psychology at the University of Manchester in England have presented research showing that, without a shadow of a doubt,  gratitude appears to be the strongest link to health and happiness of any character trait.   

People who are more grateful have higher levels of well-being and are happier, less depressed, less stressed and more satisfied with their lives. 

Be kind to yourself and really give it a go.

You have nothing to loose and much to gain.

Write down 10 things that you are grateful for today.

Your top ten.

Just for today.

How do YOU measure yourself ?

We are not supposed to be like anyone else. You are you. You are the only one who can be you. Your perspectives, gifts and value are exclusively yours. You are a unique expression of God. Revel in it! 

If you want something to measure yourself by, compare how you were yesterday to how you are today, and be kind.

Just for today.

Hug a tree

It's a glorious long week end. Spend some time just being.

This is much easier in Nature. 

Sit in your garden. 

Take a walk. 

Hug a tree. 

Sit by a stream. 

Put up a hammock and climb in. 

In reconnecting with the Earth and Nature, we slow down and have time for some inner reflection. Priorities become clearer. 

Who you truly are is more easily recognised here.

Let's reconnect with nature.

Just for today.

Trust me on the sunscreen

I heard that old song on the radio today, SUNSCREEN.

Well, it inspired me all over again. 

It really is a motivating song. 

Do you remember it ? 

Let's take a nostalgic walk down memory lane. 

This is how it goes :"Wear sunscreen. 

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience...

I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.

But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked... You're not as fat as you Imagine. Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum.  

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind.

The kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing everyday that scares you. Sing. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don't waste your time on jealousy;  Sometimes you're ahead, Sometimes you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; If you Succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.

The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary.  

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either.  

Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. 

Enjoy your body, Use it every way you can... Don't be afraid of it, or what other people Think of it, It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own... Dance... even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.  

Brother and sister together we'll make it through  

Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there  

I know you've been hurting, but I've been waiting to be there.

For you.

And I'll be there, just tell me now, whenever I can.  

Everybody's free.

Get to know your parents; you never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings;

They are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.  

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard;  

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasise that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you.  

Maybe you have a trust fund, Maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.     But trust me on the sunscreen... "

Let's live this. 

Just for today.

Meeting Time

Just for today.

Challenge

Nothing others do or say is because of you.

What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, insecurities, fears and filters.

When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others and you learn that your self worth is your responsibility and yours alone - you will no longer be the victim of needless suffering.

What you think about YOURSELF, is where your self esteem resides. 

Try putting this philosophy into action. I challenge you :-)

Just for today.

Congratulations, you have a baby !

An inner child resides in every adult person, captured in the brain's memory bank.

It exists in the memory or subconscious because each one of us has poignant memories of our past that shape our present motivation and future drive. 

It forms a great part of our current value and belief system.

Your inner child is the free spirited pixie or elf you have tamed and controlled, within you yet who resides within you. It is your emotional and sensitive self, who you have channeled, controlled and silenced and who is still living within you.

It is the creative, imaginative and artistic part of you who has been molded, structured and organised.

It is the hurt, pained, neglected, frustrated, and abused and ignored part of you whom you have masked and hidden from view and denied the existence of.

Learning how to parent your own particular inner child is one of the most powerful processes available to us in our pursuit of a healthy self-esteem.

Congratulations, you have a baby!

Take a look at this picture and think about what your dearest wishes for a child are. 

What gifts would you like to bestow on this child ? 

What kind of parent are you going to be?

I think I would like a child to learn from a young age that its okay to:

• Have the freedom to make choices for itself. 
• Be "selfish" and do the things you want to do.
• Take the time to do the things you want to do.
• Associate only with the people you want to associate with.
• Accept some people and to reject others.
• Give and accept love from others.
• Allow someone else to care for you.
• Enjoy the fruits of your labour with no guilt feelings.
• Take time to play and have fun each day.
• Not to be so serious, intense and inflexible about life.
• Set limits on how you are going to relate to others.
• Not always "serve" others.
• Be in charge of your life and not let others dictate to you.
• Be honest with others about your thoughts and feelings.
• Take risks and to suffer the positive or negative consequences of such risks.
• Make mistakes, laugh at them and carry on. Understand they are a natural process of life.
• Let your imagination and creativity be set free and to soar with the eagles.
• Cry, hurt and to be in pain as long as you share your feelings; do not repress or suppress them.
• Be angry, to express your anger and to bring your anger to some resolution.
• Make decisions for yourself.
• Be a problem solver and come up with solutions with which everyone may not agree. 
• Feel happiness, joy, excitement, pleasure and excitement about living. 
• Know that you are unique and perfect just the way you are.

Neglecting the parenting of our inner child has negative consequences. When as adults we choose to suppress the memory, needs and desires of the "inner child" we run the risk of:

• Never learning how to feel normally. 
• Never learning how to play and have fun.
• Never learning how to relax and manage stress.
• Never learning how to appreciate life. We would rather work at living.
• Taking ourselves too seriously.
• Feeling guilty over not being good enough, driving ourselves to work harder to be good enough.
• Social isolation, afraid to get involved with other people for fear we will be found out to be inadequate, not normal or a misfit.

 

Take out a picture of yourself as a baby.

Keep it in a place that you can see it regularly.

And, every time you flagellate yourself, take the picture and LOOK at it, and ask yourself the question: Is this the kind of parent I want to be?

Just for today.

The Evil Sorceress

Once upon a time, there was an evil sorceress who cast a wicked spell on a group of unsuspecting souls. This spell made them believe that whatever she wanted was what they wanted.

It was a powerful dark spell: it enslaved them unconsciously to her evil bidding and made them believe that they had no choice but comply.

And so it came to pass that they worked willingly for the sorceress even though they often found themselves behaving in ways that made them very unhappy.

Year after year they toiled under the evil influence of her malicious spell.

But one day, out of the blue, one of these souls had a startling insight.

This insight presented in the form of a question.

This soul asked herself: "If I am doing what I want to do, how come it hurts me to do it?"

This question was the beginning of the road to freedom…

The evil sorceress is known as fear, and the spell she casts is negative self-talk. Its side effect is a belief that the negative self-talk is somehow beneficial. That's how the spell works. 

Why else would anyone punish themselves by breaking himself or herself down all the time?

So lets ask ourselves "If I am doing what I want to do, then how come it hurts me to do it?"

Make today a ‘day out of the blue’, for you. Recognise the evil spell for what it is. It’s the first step towards breaking it.

Just for today.

Note to self

Just for today.

These precious things

Our family had a braai on Saturday night. While toasting marshmallows over the coals, 
I was thinking about how happy the small things in life make me. 

The smell of a braai is unbeatable.

There was an occasional warm breeze, even though the temperature outside is getting chilly.

I saw my sister smile.

One of my dogs came up to me and kissed my cold toes.

My partner came over and rubbed my shoulders.

Enjoy the little things in life, because one day you will look back and realise that they were the big things.

Just for today.

Reframe !

Redefine your concept of beauty.

There is a LOT of negative self-talk that surrounds our concept of beauty and how we fit into its parameters. We strive for it relentlessly as though it was one of the only currencies worth having. 

Apparently these traits buy you The Premier Account of existence.

It’s not surprising how depressed we get when the advertising industry tells us, several times daily, that these are all within our reach:

Perfectly white teeth.

Smooth, flawless, glowing skin

Full, plump lips !

Perfect feet.

Long, thick shiny hair.

Phew. 

Advertising would have us believe that by using their products - we can achieve all this. Regardless of genetics. Regardless of anything.BS.

I slavishly followed these rules for years. 

Hardly what I would call noble use of our precious energy.

Make your OWN beauty category.

Change the way you SEE, not the way you LOOK.

Redefine your concept of beauty.  

Just for today.

Wolf with it's paw in the cookie jar

I was at a conference not so long ago, and the colleague I attended with needed to nip home for an emergency. 

This presented an unfortunate set of circumstances for me : I had to attend the conference lunch, alone.

Two fellow delegates entered the dining room.

They headed straight for a table on the other side of the room.

My first reaction ? 

"They don't like me/ They do not think I am intelligent company " etc.

My evil twin laughed maniacally : "You have been shunned!"

Two minutes later, someone else attending the conference walked in.

He walked directly to my table and asked if he could join me.

I caught my dark wold with its paw in the cookie jar !!!


Try catch your dark wolf at it.

Just for today.

Gentle Day

Just for today.

Poison Popeye Spinach

It's Freedom Day next Friday, and I am sitting and thinking about what that really means to me. 

Not politically, personally. 

Freedom is a release from unwanted ties, exemption from confinement, and, for us, management of evil twins.

This, I think, makes Freedom Day an extra-special day.

A day that we consciously  acknowledge that our negative self talk poisons us, and a day that we remember that we are committed to have a mind that is positive, free and unencumbered by intrusive and unwanted negative thoughts.

We know that each of us has a core foundational belief system that governs our sense of belonging, worth and identity. Literally everything we think, believe, feel and perceive – all the decisions we make and the ways we respond to and cope with our lives – are based on our core foundational beliefs.

It has been established that 90% of our core beliefs were formed and entrenched in our subconscious by the time we were eight years old. 

And that we will spend our whole lives subconsciously gathering information, people and experiences to validate, substantiate, quantify ad qualify these core foundational beliefs.

This dark passenger we acknowledge. 

This dark passenger we see.

But, we also need to acknowledge something else. Something far more surreptitious and malevolent  : our beliefs about negative thoughts themselves. 

These particular beliefs are like dark wolf steroids and I like to think of them as Poison Popeye Spinach : when your evil twin is battling to convince you how fat/stupid/lazy/ugly you are, she takes a slug of this shit, and she packs the knock-out punch.

Recognise any of these ? :

1. Having all these negative thoughts is a normal human experience and part of what it means to be a human being.
2. I generate, am responsible and at fault for these negative thoughts.
3. It's necessary to have negative thoughts because in some cases they are useful or helpful to ward off other negative situations, so if I continuously tell myself how fat I am, I will prevent myself from getting fatter.
4. It is impossible to rid one's mind of negative thoughts.
5. Negative thoughts are necessary to help us appreciate what truly positive experiences feel like.

And so on.

So are you getting the picture? 

Did you resonate with any of those statements?  

Did any of those feel "true" for you?

This Sneaky  Sadistic Spinach has very interesting side effects. It punches negative thought into your mind, body and life and makes you feel that the corresponding foundational core beliefs are truer than ever.

Don't be blind sided by them.

Just for today.

The Dark Passenger

I really have a penchant for the TV series, Dexter. 

I relate to him.

No, not in a homicidal way. 

Promise. 

What I relate to is his concept of what he calls his “dark passenger.”

My dark passenger is my negative self-talk.

My evil twin.

My wicked wolf.

And when she's driving, I feel sad, half sick with fear.

When we accept our dark passenger, we can deal with it.

Let's not be ashamed of our dark passenger. 

Let's acknowledge it.

But let's commit ourselves to not letting it win.

Just for today.

You are not a secretary

Something I have noticed that the twins really get their knickers in a knot about is something that dwells in that blurry zone of confusion between what we do and who we actually are as a person.

That’s because there is a very strong tendency to identify ourselves with our primary activities in life.

Sure, what we do in life usually consumes a huge portion of our time and focus.

What we do, however, is only one expression of who we are; it’s not the complete picture. Not even close!

We have been brought up in a culture that defines people by what they do for a living. 

As children we are asked by well-meaning relatives and friends, “So, little possum, what are you going to be when you grow up?” 

Our accomplishment oriented, acquisition oriented, material world has seduced us into believing that our identity could be bought either through deeds or things.  Or at least our evil twin would have us believe that.

Be honest with yourself – has anyone ever said to you “Jenny, yes Jenny. I remember her. She took such BRILLIANT minutes at a meeting I went to in 2003.” Or “Kathy? Oh Kathy!!!! Boy could that girl write a business plan/boil an egg/knit a scarf!”

You are not what you do for a living. 

You are not a secretary. 

You are not a marketing manager. 

You are not a boiler-maker.

You are a spirit having a human experience.

Once we realise this, no one can take our identity away from us.

Just for today.