Self-esteem recession

We need to remind ourselves daily that money or a lack of it doesn't determine who we are. 

Our worth as a person has nothing to do with how much money we have. 

Once we truly believe this, and money is no longer connected to our sense of self-worth, we open up the psychological barriers that were keeping us from wisely handling the money we do have and limiting our ability to make more.

If money is an obstacle in your self-esteem battle, you may think about your unconscious limiting beliefs keeping you from being financially successful.

As we begin to build up our feelings of self-worth and develop a positive attitude about ourselves , we'll start feeling less of a need to generate positive feelings by purchasing things, and  stop buying things we don't really need. 

We all need money, I will be the first to admit it. But it is not everything. It cannot buy time, laughter or love.

So whether you have it or you don't, remember this.

Just for today.

Happy Mothering Yourself Day

Those that know me know that I never became a mother. 

I have had mixed feelings about this ranging from enormous relief to low-grade regret. I have wondered whether not having a child has robbed me from that instinct of learning how to love in a truly unconditional way. 

My friends have had a variety of experiences regarding this. Some have said that childbirth has bestowed on them a new outlook, an outlook that has freed them from their persecuting self-recrimination. Mostly though, they still suffer with their dark passenger.

Dealing with my Dexter has taught me that perhaps childbirth has not robbed me of a mother role. That in this battle, I need to replace negative self talk with a gentle mothers voice.

I have a child. My very own inner child. And so do you.

If I had become a mother, I would never dream of telling my child how ugly, stupid, fat or useless she was. I would not socially isolate her, deprive her of joy or starve her to appease societies warped standards.

It would be my priority to love her, nourish her with the healthiest food, make sure she had comfortable clothes, and treat her like a princess. I would tell her everyday that she was precious and perfect. Just the way she was.

I would encourage her to have fun. I would tickle her and make her laugh. And if anyone insulted her, I would tell her that, beyond a shadow of a doubt that they were not worth shedding a tear over.

I would teach her to never compare herself to others. EVER.

I would avoid depreciating remarks.

I would protect her from attack.

While our evil twin, our dark wolf, has no problem dishing out dollops of self-recrimination, we have the opportunity to practice self-parenting.

If I could give my little girl no other gift in the world, my top choice would be self-esteem. And you?

So, remember your inner child today and celebrate "Happy Mothering yourself day" on Sunday.


Love yourself.

Just for today.

A piece of string

A very special friend of mine recently described to me her "string of beads" theory.

For her, when we are born, we are given a piece of string. 

Throughout our lives we are presented with happy moments, each represented by a bead.

Some of these beads are golden, some are not.

Be that as it may, at the end of our lives we should all hope to have a robust string of beads.

Create a bead.

Just for today.

Using the F-word

Do you ever stay up at night, replaying your mistakes over and over in your head?

Maybe, like me, you cringe in between the sheets at the humiliation of your errors.

Maybe, like me, you replay the soap operas of things you have done wrong.

Repugnant memories that manage to stick around, stay alive in your head, and torment you - like a looped film playing over and over in your head.

Healthy reflection is a way of learning, but the futile reliving of these the memories is really just a way of punishing ourselves - and it spirals into guilt, blame and the inability to forgive ourselves. And, from then on, it's like wearing dark sunglasses that distort everything we see.One defining factor of guilt is that we commit the ultimate betrayal: abandoning ourselves. If we can't love ourselves, we can't  heal ourselves.

In order to let the past go, we must forgive ourselves officially.

Realise that everyone makes mistakes

Today, let's make the decision to forgive ourselves.

Give ourselves permission to heal.

Part of forgiving ourselves is understanding that we don't have to be punished. Give ourselves permission to let go of the pain. 

If we have wounded hearts, we can't give good and pure love to anyone else.

Let's make that decision today and create a new relationships with ourselves. 

Just for today.

Don't give up

I had one of those days yesterday.

One of those days that make you seek your city wall armed with nothing but a trampoline.

POING.

Work was wild, my career seemed destabilized, and my muffin-top seemed mammoth.

My dark wolf sunk its teeth into my soul and would not let go.

Driving home from work, I felt feverishly sorry for myself.

Later that evening, after a glass of wine (or two), it dawned on me that I had let my dark wolf win today’s battle. 

Of course, that made me feel even worse.

I took a close look at the thoughts that were derailing me. 

Work is only my job.

If my career is indeed destabilized, it is due to no doing of my own, and might very well be the universes way of pointing me to where my services are truly needed.

And my muffin top ?

Well...it does keep the top part of my body together, doesn't it :-)

I whispered to my dark wolf : You may have won the battle, but you have not won the war.

We all have days like this.

It’s OK. It's human.

Regroup.

You CAN get back up again.

Just for today.

What's for breakfast ?

   

Just for today.

Pink Post it

Pay attention to what you are thinking about and what impact it has on the way you feel.

Just for today.

Say cheese !

Studies surrounding what's called the "facial feedback theory" suggest that the expressions on your face can actually encourage your brain to register certain emotions. 

So by looking in the mirror and smiling every day, you feel happier with yourself and more confident in the long run.

  

Look in the mirror, look deep into your eyes and smile.

Just for today.

Achtung, baby

 

When you look in your mirror today, remember this. 

When you look at others, remember it too.

Just for today.

It's just a jump to the left....

I wrote about Dr Neff in my post, Self-compassion is the new black.  Her self-compassion theories are really resonating with me. She has developed some exercises designed to help us in our endeavours to maintain self-compassion.

This is the first one. It's Saturday, why not take some “me” time and complete it.

Give yourself a moment to reflect, and remember, this journey that we are taking is taken by giving yourself space to learn new ways, one day at a time.

Now let's jump to the left :

How self-compassionate are you? 

How do you typically react to yourself?

• What types of things do you typically judge and criticize yourself for (appearance, career, relationships, parenting, etc.)?

• What type of language do you use with yourself when you notice some flaw or make a mistake (do you insult yourself, or do you take a more kind and understanding tone)?

• When you are being highly self-critical, how does this make you feel inside?

• When you notice something about yourself you don’t like, do you tend to feel cut off from others, or do you feel connected with your fellow humans who are also imperfect?

• What are the consequences of being so hard on yourself?  Does it make you more motivated and happy, or discouraged and depressed?

• How do you think you would feel if you could truly love and accept yourself exactly as you are?  Does this possibility scare you, give you hope, or both?

 How do you typically react to life difficulties?

• How do you treat yourself when you run into challenges in your life? Do you tend to ignore the fact that you’re suffering and focus exclusively on fixing the problem, or do you stop to give yourself care and comfort? 

• Do you tend to get carried away by the drama of the situation, so that you make a bigger deal out of it than you need to, or do you tend to keep things in balanced perspective?

• Do you tend to feel cut off from others when things go wrong, with the irrational feeling that everyone else is having a better time of it then you, or do you get in touch with the fact that all humans experience hardship in their lives?

If you feel that you lack sufficient self-compassion, check in with yourself – are you criticizing yourself for this too?  If so, stop right there.  Try to feel compassion for how difficult it is to be an imperfect human being in this extremely competitive society of ours.  Most of us live in cultures that do not emphasise self-compassion, quite the opposite.  We’re told that we’re being lazy and self-indulgent if we don’t harshly criticize ourselves.  We’re told that no matter how hard we try, our best just isn’t good enough.  It’s time for something different.  We can all benefit by learning to be more self-compassionate, and now is the perfect time to start.

Let’s not harshly criticize ourselves.

Just for today.