The very nature of life is that we need to take emotional and physical risks, and this leaves us open to the possibility of loss and rejection. Most of us have grieved for the loss of people, relationships, pets and even moments.
Often, we do not realise how emotionally affected we are by the loss of financial security.
It’s traumatic on so many levels.
People who have lost financial security grieve similarly to those who have lost loved ones. The pain is not only about financial security, as we discussed yesterday, but a situation that can fling our entire identity into turmoil.
As human beings we all too often define ourselves by our work. We calibrate our entire self-worth by what we accomplish or do not accomplish, what we earn or don’t earn, in the workplace.
So, when we are we are out of work, we are catapulted into a dangerous dungeon of self-doubt: who are we now?
It’s a HUGE blow to ones self esteem. It can trigger a period of bereavement that follows predictable phases not unlike traditional "stages of grief".
It is important to remember that every step of the process is natural and healthy, it is only when a person gets stuck in one step for a long period of time then the grieving can become unhealthy, destructive and even dangerous.
When going through the grieving process it is not the same for everyone, but everyone does have a common goal, acceptance of the loss and keep moving forward.
Superhero tips to navigate the stages and turn failure into triumph :
- Denial: The psyche needs to protect itself and absorb what has happened little by little, instead of all at once. Recite your story over and over to take the sting out of it; distract yourself with positive friends, outdoor activities or counseling. This stage includes intermittent shock. Shock is often the initial reaction to loss. Shock is the person’s emotional protection from being too suddenly overwhelmed by the loss. The person may not yet be willing or able to believe what his mind knows to be true.
- Anger: You can turn the anger outward and play the victim, or twist the emotional sword inward. Either way is an energy drain. Reinterpret the scenario compassionately; be kind to everyone, especially to yourself! Release anger in a healthy way through exercise, visualization and breathing.
- Bargaining: This is “the what if or I should have” stage. At this stage our dark wolf takes over, brain-locking us in an upsetting point in time. Be aware of negative thought patterns to identify them; have a logical discourse with your thoughts. Then you can invest your energy into a solution.
- Depression: The sadness sets in and the feelings need to come out. This is usually followed by intense concern, a phase that is often shown by not being able to think of anything else. Even during daily tasks, thoughts of the loss keep coming to mind. Conversations with with those at this stage always turns to the loss.Crying is good; there is great truth in the saying, all you need is a good cry. Then laughter is a wonderful pick-me-up after the crying. It will release your feel-good hormones. So watch all the comedies you can!
- Acceptance: This is the point where we think and feel that the loss really happened. We accept our disappointment and the blow to our self-esteem. By doing this, we gradually come to terms with the reality of the loss. Coping and enduring is the purpose of this phase: "If I can just get through today!"
- The final step is recovery. The goal of grieving is not the elimination of all the pain or the memories of the loss. It is rather the time when one starts showing a new interest in daily activities and beginning to function normally on a day-to-day basis. The goal is to reorganise one’s life so that the loss becomes an important part of life rather than the center of one’s life.
Remind yourself as often as necessary that your pain will end and you will eventually feel happy again.
Keep a journal of your experiences.
Make it your intention to see what there is to be learned from this experience. Once you work on the internal you, then you're ready to focus on those external goals.
There is no need to be brave and strong, or to act like you are doing "just fine". Life has dealt you a tremendous blow.
Healing from it will take time.
Be patient and gentle with yourself.
Practice self-compassion.
Just for today.
