Don't do this. Just give yourself a break.
Your book is being published
Remember this is your story, and you are the author.
What is left is still unwritten.
Create your story.
Just for today.
Get off this roller-coaster
In my blog post “Nothing Compares to You”, we touched on the fact that comparing ourselves to others can be the most self-limiting and futile thing we can do to ourselves.
Comparing ourselves to others is very often the main source of our most profound insecurities and it prevents us from building the kind of self-worth and self-esteem that we deserve and need to make the most of our lives.
That dismal feeling of "not being good enough" is the inheritance of comparing ourselves to others, and, even if we do manage to achieve societies idea of success in spite of this habit, it can never be accompanied by the inner peace that comes with an unshakeable sense of self, free of any need for comparison.
Tania Kotsos puts it beautifully in her book, Mind your Reality:
A Brief History of Comparing Yourself to Others: Comparing yourself is really just a bad habit that is likely to have started as far back as your school days. Things like school marks, appearance and sporting achievements often determine a child's popularity and hence his or her self-worth. As adults, such outward appearances are simply replaced by "grown-up" equivalents like money, material possessions, looks and so on. Ironically, the most popular kids on the block are likely to be the ones who have the biggest need to compare themselves as adults, because they came to depend on the good opinion of others and on the ego-boost of being "first" or "the best", from a very young age.
Comparing Yourself is a Roller-Coaster Ride: Comparing yourself to others traps you in a roller coaster ride, on which you self-worth is flung around by the opinion, words and actions of others. Even when you do feel better than others by comparison, the strength you gain is a temporary ego-boost disguising itself as authentic inner power. Once the ego-boost begins to fade (as it will), so your insecurities re-surface, thereby re-triggering your need for outside reassurance that sends you on a futile search for inner strength in the one place you will never find it - outside of yourself - and so the ride starts again.
The Debilitating Need for Approval: If you compare yourself to others, you are likely to find that you also look to others for their approval. Needing the approval of others makes you second-guess yourself and your decisions. It drains you of any sense of self and leaves you never quite sure of who you are and what you really want. The good opinion of others may feel "good" in the short run but can only leave you feeling "bad" in the long run. Someone else's stamp of approval can be likened to an ink stamp on your skin that is quickly washed off with the first sign of rain. Whoever you need to "stamp" you, owns you. Don Miguel Ruiz describes this beautifully: Don’t take anything personally - Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
Comparing Yourself Fuels Your Insecurities: Those unwanted feelings of not being good enough, of constantly needing the approval of others, of inadequacy, of resentment towards others' success and of envy, to name but a few, are all the result of one thing: comparing yourself to others. You can never quite feel good enough if your "good" is defined by the achievements of others. You can never quite approve of yourself if that approval depends on the opinion, words or actions of others. You can never quite feel adequate when you place yourself on a stepladder of adequacy, with the more adequate above you and the less adequate beneath you. You can never quite be genuinely happy for the success of others when by comparison that success is greater than your own thereby making them greater than you. You can never quite admire others' strengths when those strengths are the yardstick for your weaknesses.
Comparing Yourself Breeds Mediocrity: Ironically, when people compare themselves in an attempt to judge their own success, they set themselves up for nothing more than mediocrity. Using others as your yardstick places a limit on your success. Few people dare to compare themselves to the truly successful and those who do, usually look to successful people as a source of inspiration. In contrast, most people are quite satisfied with comparing themselves to their immediate circle of friends, colleagues, neighbours and acquaintances, with little consideration as to the true nature of their success. Comparing yourself to others limits your success to the success of the person you are comparing yourself to.
Comparing Yourself Drains You of Your Creative Power: Each time you compare yourself or seek the approval of others, you give away your authentic power to consciously create your life. The more you give it away, the more insecure you feel. When you are more concerned about what others think than what you think, then you effectively stop thinking for yourself. You neutralize your thought power. Irrespective of whether you are aware of it or not, everything you experience in the visible, outer world of the physical realm has its origin in the invisible, inner world of your mental realm. It is your own thoughts that you should be focusing on, and not the outward appearance that they, or someone else's thoughts, have produced. There can be no more compelling reason why you must think for yourself. If you want to have any real power over your own life, then you had better start making up your own mind.
How to Stop Comparing Yourself: Since comparing yourself to others is such a pointless and self-sabotaging exercise, the obvious question then is how do you stop it? The first step is to actually acknowledge that you do compare yourself. It may seem obvious, but you cannot change a problem if you do not acknowledge its existence. This is not about blaming yourself or feeling bad that you compare yourself, but rather it is just a matter-of-fact recognition of an unwanted habit that you intend to overcome. Endeavour to become aware of your thoughts and catch yourself in the process of comparing yourself. Once you understand the root cause of your need to compare yourself, then stopping will be effortless.
The Root Cause of Comparing Yourself: Behind your every need to compare yourself to others is a warped sense of self worth based on a definition of success that you never chose in the first instance and a not-so-solid self-esteem. Herein lies the solution to stop comparing yourself once and for all: building your self worth and a solid self-esteem that cannot be disturbed by outside factors and opinions. Doing so will give you the freedom to be the only person you were ever meant to be - yourself.
In the words of the French politician, Marquis de Condorcet, "Enjoy your own life without comparing it with that of another."
Let’s renew our commitment to stop comparing ourselves to others and focus on building our self worth.
Just for today.
Little things
Do something lovely for someone today.
It will lift your soul and create some beauty in our world.
Superhero Series - Part Four: Success
You probably already know that society places excessive value on the outward appearances of success, such as money, material possessions, physical appearance, marital status, career and so on.
In contrast, little consideration is ever given to the loftier values of a person, such as love, integrity, kindness, emotional intelligence, forgiveness and inner balance, when defining one's success.
This means that we have been socialized to have a warped definition of success based largely on outward appearances, which really results in a warped sense of self worth.
Society has manipulated the definition of success to be material affluence, an asinine aspiration peddled by media and prostituted by the ad agencies.
According to this definition, the more you have the more “successful” you are.
I believe the purpose of this is to keep you so busy in the pursuit of this goal, leaving you as little time as possible to be an individual and concentrate on the only true success: spending your life in your own way, valuing yourself and your ability to enjoy life.
A matrix that’s sole purpose is to convince you that your wealth, your home, your title, the cars you drive and who you work for are all key indicators to how successful you are in this world.
If you haven’t yet, its time to wake up to the fact that Success is not defined by what society or others think is right for you but by what makes you feel whole and adds meaning to your life. It’s never a comparison. Only you know what makes you smile and leaves you with a greater sense of fulfillment.
Your self worth is a function of how you value yourself. To build your self worth you must first discover your values and then make up your own definition of success. Your values are nothing more than what you value in life.
Tanya Kotsos, the author of Mind Your Reality, tells us about some important steps to Superhero Success:
Discover How You Value Yourself: You are likely to find that specific outward appearances automatically trigger a need within you to compare yourself to others, whether it is how much money someone else has or is making, how physically attractive they are, their relationship status or what material possessions they own, their children and so on. Dig a little deeper and you will find that you have unwittingly placed an undue value on these outward appearances and are using them to determine your own self worth. In other words, how much money you have, how attractive you are and so on, have become the determining function of your self worth, and usually in isolation of all your other qualities and achievements. Such specific comparisons leave you temporarily feeling either better or worse about yourself, depending on where you ranked yourself on society's scale of success.
The Relative Nature of Outward Appearances: Take a moment and make a list of all those outward appearances that you have inadvertently made the yardstick of your inner self worth. See how all these things on your list actually require you to compare yourself to others or to seek outside approval in order to determine your self value or "how well you are doing". In other words, you can never really gauge how much money you have if you do not compare it to someone else's bank account, or how attractive you are if you do not compare yourself to someone else's looks. The humour in Daniel Gilbert's definition of happiness (Harvard psychology professor and the author of Stumbling on Happiness) says it all: "Happiness is proportional to your salary divided by your brother-in-law's salary."
The Changeability of Outward Appearances: Outward appearances are highly subject to change. A multimillionaire can find himself bankrupt overnight and the beggar can find himself a millionaire. There are no absolutes in outward appearances. The problem with this is, that if you are using such changeable things to define your self worth, then you are left aiming at an always-moving target because there will always be someone richer, more attractive, more materially successful than you. It can be no other way in the physical world of the relatives.
The Paradox of Valuing Outward Appearances: How you value yourself is a reflection of how you value others. For instance, if you have placed an undue value on money as a symbol of success, then in your estimation, people with more money are to be admired more than those with less. Ironically, the very people who you admire most are also the people you envy most when their bank balance outdoes yours. Therein lies the paradox - whatever you admire most, you must also envy. In other words, you can never really be happy for those you admire most when your own self worth is based on outward appearances.
The Illusory Nature of Outward Appearances: The undue value that society places on outward appearances is fuelled by the ignorance that everything we experience in the outward physical world has its origin in the inner mental world. This means, that all outward appearances are just that - appearances - or illusions if you prefer. This does not mean that they are not physically "real". It simply means that the appearances that you cling to so dearly and that you use to judge your own worth relative to that of others, are really just products of the most powerful resource of all - your mind - and are hence subject to change through your mind's activity i.e. your thoughts. It is your thoughts that create your circumstances and hence your thoughts that can change them. Comparing yourself to others simply keeps your thoughts focused on the very circumstances that you most likely want to change and, by the Law of Attraction, you create more of the same.
What Do You Really Value? It should be obvious to you by now that it is futile to base your self worth on outward appearances that are relative in nature and simply the product of one's mind. The question then is, what should you base it on instead? This exercise will enable you to see for yourself what you really value. Make a list all those human qualities that you value. Some examples may be personal integrity, self love, the ability to show love, kindness, self-confidence, honesty, self-conviction, being true to oneself, a sense of humour, affection, gratitude and so on. Also, the ability to use and display any one emotion appropriately, at the right time and in the appropriate degree.
Now compare this list of values to your original list of outward appearances that you have up until now inadvertently been using as your yardstick for self worth. Which list holds what you truly value? It is easy, the one that makes you feel an inner sense of calm and power that cannot be disturbed by outward forces or opinions. It is the list of human values. The more you associate yourself with the Real You that is your higher self, the more such human values will define you.
Re-Defining Success: Now that you can see how misguided the stereotypical definition of success is (being based on outward appearances), you can write down a new definition of success based on those virtues and qualities on your second list. One of the most well-known definitions of success has to be that of Ralph Waldo Emerson. This is what he had to say about success: "To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty; to find the best in others; to leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded."
Your Very Own Definition of Success: Write down your own definition of success, including all those virtues you admire most, and use it as your new yardstick for success. Think big and go beyond even what Emerson had to say about success. Make sure your definition of success is about you - not about others, or how you compare to them or what they may think of you. Print it out and place it somewhere where you can see it every day. Read it every day and endeavour to make it your way of life. You will quickly find that your need to compare yourself to anyone else disappears.
As a once-off exercise, use your new definition of success to re-compare yourself to those people you used to compare yourself to based on society's definition. You may find that they do not display any of the virtues that you have used to define real success, and so no matter how much money they have, or how high up they have climbed on the career ladder, or how attractive they are, or how happy they seem to be in their relationships; that you would never really want to be like them. For example, would you still want someone else's career position if you knew they had backstabbed their colleagues to get there? Hardly! Of course, when comparing yourself to random strangers, you can never really know their true virtues, so doing so is itself pointless based on your new definition of success.
Make Outer Appearances a Choice, Not Your Yardstick: Your new definition of success does not mean that you throw out the old one. It simply means that those outer appearances by which society defines success, no longer define you. They no longer add to or subtract from your self worth in any way. Your worth is independent of them. Of course you are still free to pursue a rewarding career, to make as much money as you want, to make yourself look your best, and to acquire all those material things you may want. The difference lies in why you are doing so. And the answer is because you choose to, not because you have to in order to feel better about yourself compared to others. Paradoxically, you will find that when those outer appearances that you once so desperately pursued no longer define you, that they will flow freely towards you.
Others as a Source of Inspiration: Interestingly, you will find that even if someone else displays more of a specific virtue that you admire than you do, that it brings out a sense of greater love and admiration for that person, rather than a sense of jealousy and insecurity. While comparing yourself in any way is unnecessary, you can look to those people who display the qualities you admire most, as a source of inspiration to become a more successful person yourself based on your definition of success.
If You Must Compare, Compare the Whole Package: We already know that we live in a society in which comparing ourselves to others is the norm and, if anything, it is encouraged from a very young age. If at first you find it difficult to stop comparing yourself there is no need to become frustrated. Remember that it is just a bad habit that is on its way out. In the mean time, if you must compare yourself, make sure to compare the whole package i.e. both the outward appearances and inner qualities of that person. When you compare the whole package, instead of isolated factors of outward success, you are likely to find that comparing really leaves your inner-self undisturbed. Mentally wish whoever you compare yourself to the same success that you wish for yourself and let it go.
There is No Competition in Real Self worth: There is seldom a prize or career promotion for the kindest person in the office or for the person with the greatest integrity. You will find that people do not compete to see who is the kindest, or who is the most loving, or who is the most self-assured. This is because man's loftiest virtues belong to his higher self. Your higher self is above the opposites of the physical world and those outer appearances that society stereo-typically uses to define success. Your higher self is above the need to compare, not because it cannot compare but because it knows that doing so is futile. Man's highest virtues are fundamental to the human spirit and cannot be bought or sold for all the money in the world. Real self worth is priceless.
In a nutshell, building your self worth is fundamental to achieving real success in your life. Forget what society tells you about what it means to have succeeded, and endeavour to create your own definition of success based on those human qualities and virtues that you value most. Make it your goal to become a successful human being by inwardly living and outwardly displaying those virtues you admire most and you will find no competition in your way. When you have built your self worth based on your own definition of success, you will find that all those material things or outer appearances that once seemed out of reach no longer define you, and that they paradoxically now flow freely towards you. This is what it means to have succeeded your way.
There are many definitions for success.
It’s time to find yours.
It’s time to find yours.
Just for today.
Superhero Series - Part Three: Heart & Soul
The very nature of life is that we need to take emotional and physical risks, and this leaves us open to the possibility of loss and rejection. Most of us have grieved for the loss of people, relationships, pets and even moments.
Often, we do not realise how emotionally affected we are by the loss of financial security.
It’s traumatic on so many levels.
People who have lost financial security grieve similarly to those who have lost loved ones. The pain is not only about financial security, as we discussed yesterday, but a situation that can fling our entire identity into turmoil.
As human beings we all too often define ourselves by our work. We calibrate our entire self-worth by what we accomplish or do not accomplish, what we earn or don’t earn, in the workplace.
So, when we are we are out of work, we are catapulted into a dangerous dungeon of self-doubt: who are we now?
It’s a HUGE blow to ones self esteem. It can trigger a period of bereavement that follows predictable phases not unlike traditional "stages of grief".
It is important to remember that every step of the process is natural and healthy, it is only when a person gets stuck in one step for a long period of time then the grieving can become unhealthy, destructive and even dangerous.
When going through the grieving process it is not the same for everyone, but everyone does have a common goal, acceptance of the loss and keep moving forward.
Superhero tips to navigate the stages and turn failure into triumph :
- Denial: The psyche needs to protect itself and absorb what has happened little by little, instead of all at once. Recite your story over and over to take the sting out of it; distract yourself with positive friends, outdoor activities or counseling. This stage includes intermittent shock. Shock is often the initial reaction to loss. Shock is the person’s emotional protection from being too suddenly overwhelmed by the loss. The person may not yet be willing or able to believe what his mind knows to be true.
- Anger: You can turn the anger outward and play the victim, or twist the emotional sword inward. Either way is an energy drain. Reinterpret the scenario compassionately; be kind to everyone, especially to yourself! Release anger in a healthy way through exercise, visualization and breathing.
- Bargaining: This is “the what if or I should have” stage. At this stage our dark wolf takes over, brain-locking us in an upsetting point in time. Be aware of negative thought patterns to identify them; have a logical discourse with your thoughts. Then you can invest your energy into a solution.
- Depression: The sadness sets in and the feelings need to come out. This is usually followed by intense concern, a phase that is often shown by not being able to think of anything else. Even during daily tasks, thoughts of the loss keep coming to mind. Conversations with with those at this stage always turns to the loss.Crying is good; there is great truth in the saying, all you need is a good cry. Then laughter is a wonderful pick-me-up after the crying. It will release your feel-good hormones. So watch all the comedies you can!
- Acceptance: This is the point where we think and feel that the loss really happened. We accept our disappointment and the blow to our self-esteem. By doing this, we gradually come to terms with the reality of the loss. Coping and enduring is the purpose of this phase: "If I can just get through today!"
- The final step is recovery. The goal of grieving is not the elimination of all the pain or the memories of the loss. It is rather the time when one starts showing a new interest in daily activities and beginning to function normally on a day-to-day basis. The goal is to reorganise one’s life so that the loss becomes an important part of life rather than the center of one’s life.
Remind yourself as often as necessary that your pain will end and you will eventually feel happy again.
Keep a journal of your experiences.
Make it your intention to see what there is to be learned from this experience. Once you work on the internal you, then you're ready to focus on those external goals.
There is no need to be brave and strong, or to act like you are doing "just fine". Life has dealt you a tremendous blow.
Healing from it will take time.
Be patient and gentle with yourself.
Practice self-compassion.
Just for today.
Superhero Series - Part Two : Money
Different superheroes have different superpowers – and the superpowers we need to tap into, will depend on our particular situation.
Often, facing a new start has financial implications. Let’s get real with each other… money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “got to have it” scale.
If you find yourself facing a balancing act on an economic tight wire, you need to address this up front.
Most human beings cannot function if their basic needs are not being met – that is a roof over your head, food in your stomach and petrol in your car.
Most human beings cannot function if their basic needs are not being met – that is a roof over your head, food in your stomach and petrol in your car.
If you are in the position to, start saving. Don’t delude yourself into thinking that it needs to be big amounts to count. If you are earning, saving, even R150 a month will start creating a safety buffer, practically and, perhaps even more importantly, emotionally. Super heroes require resources. They cannot be worrying about toilet rolls while they soar towards new prospects.
Superhero steps:
- If you are in the position that you are not earning the income you need to survive, please, don’t forget the lesson above. Think how handy a few hundred rand would be in your pocket right now. As soon as you earn – before you even get used to the income – set up a savings account as your first priority. We never know when we will be invited to this desolated place again – and we never want to be unprepared for it again. Ok? Ok.
- Your first priority is to focus on finding a job. You should be looking for a job like it was your job. You can spend the time you would normally be at work looking for and applying to job opportunities. If you have a focused regular effort to look for a job, then you are much likely to find it. Additionally broaden your search to include all the jobs that you may be qualified to do with an acceptable salary range. You may enjoy a different career path then you originally thought you would. Make sure you are registered in LINKED IN, and that you connect with everyone you know there. The first and most important step in using LinkedIn is to create a complete and self-promotional profile of your career.
- While you are seeking gainful employment, you have to survive.Trading your labour or expertise for things you need is a great way to save money and to build new relationships as you start a new life. You’ve got to think differently right now. Most of us don’t negotiate and barter enough: we get stuck thinking too narrowly. Bake, cook, give lifts, baby sit, do market research, invigilate exams...
- Consider contacting your creditors and other service providers to see if you can lower your monthly payments temporarily. I know that Liberty Life allowed me to defer on my RA once, as did my car loan company. You may be surprised at the money you can save just by asking for it, and trust me, it gave me a much needed breather to concentrate on what I needed to focus on : finding employment.
- Beware of your dark wolf taking the gap here.Don't get discouraged. Take one day at a time, pitch up, do your best and hand the rest over to the universe.
Remember, millions of others have faced starting over and lived to tell about it. Being in this situation is not a reflection on your worth as a person, or even on the quality of your work.
Think out of the box and don't forget to keep practicing self-compassion.Just for today.
Need to reincarnate ?
The universe is presenting a lot of curve balls lately. Some of them I have heard whizzing past my head – others have hit me straight in my face.
There are economic changes, political changes and for some of us, big life changes.
It seems changes are leaving many of us in situations that we never thought we would find ourselves in (again): needing to start all over.
Regardless of how we might have ended up here – it’s not easy for any of us.
Over the next couple of days, I am going to be exploring starting over.
I have here before – but each time I am brought here, I am startled by how scary and confusing it is for me.
Most of us had grown so used to our lives and the way it flowed; we don’t know how to handle waking up not knowing what to do next.
For me, the first step is reframing. We all are warriors against the paralysis that can consume us at these times…. we need to make a commitment to view the upcoming challenge as an adventure. Starting over may feel scary, but it's really a cause for celebration. Think of it as exciting, and many of your anxious feelings will begin to fade.
And this adventure requires nothing short of calling upon your inner super-hero - to tap into your inner powers. I know we doubt our super powers – it’s just the way we roll…but I assure you, they ARE there. You wouldn’t still be here today if you didn’t have them.
It’s a chance to reincarnate.
Superhero starter kit :
- Change your Mindset. Starting over is not the same as recouping from a failure. It is a new beginning. This mindset is vital because it keeps you from wasting your time being too hard on yourself.
- Remind yourself that endings are simply new beginnings. Endings are not necessarily bad things. Even if the past year was your best so far, the one ahead might just leave it in the dust. This is also true if it's been your worst year so far, and you've suddenly found yourself unemployed or unattached. It’s a universal law. No one escapes this.
- Remember that your future is not governed by your past. No matter what has happened in your life, you can find a way to make things a little better for yourself.
- Taking action by doing something, almost anything, will help you work through your anxiety.Sometimes it's doing the dishes or working in your garden. Other times it's reading or meditating. Just sitting around and thinking about your worries won't make them go away.
- Spend some time focusing and setting a few simple goals. I suggest setting two or three short-range goals at a time – else the task becomes too overwhelming. How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time, is the only way, baby.
Starting over is about giving yourself a chance at real happiness.
So, tomorrow when you wake up start doing something right away, and keep busy all day.
Remember that becoming a superhero is not an overnight task - we need time and effort. We need to take our heads from under the sand, put our pride aside and be willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild our lives.
Courage is not the absence of fear, but taking action in spite of fear.
Take some baby steps – it’s more positive than doing nothing.
Just for today.
Doubt hopelessness
Do you ever have those days when you just feel like giving up? Like exoneration has lost its eraser: backed into the wall with nowhere to run to and riddled with too much fear to contemplate your next move?
I find myself in that desolate place sometimes: it’s the space I have been in over the last couple of days.
In these times I avoid my friends and isolate myself - effectively creating a whirlpool of sadness for me to spiral down into.
My own bitter form of refuge is sleep. Its like no amount of sleep would be sufficient to address my overwhelming emotional tiredness.
Having scaled these barren walls umpteen times over my life, I have come to identify the feeling as that of hopelessness.
One of the most important lessons I have ever learnt is this; not everything my mind tells me, is true.
I know how hard it is to move out of this space, but I have come to understand that the first step is to make the decision to doubt my hopelessness. Simply entertain the notion that I could be wrong. I've been wrong before; maybe I am wrong now.
And then, with that inkling of doubt, I decide to act against my hopelessness.
The second step is to acknowledge you are telling yourself that the thing that won't change is essential: "I can't live without it."
Why not? I lived before I had it. If the job or friend or position really turned out to be hopeless, weren't we living a life before it?
For each self-defeating thought that pops up (“I can’t do this!” and so on), visualize a large, red stop sign in your mind and think, “Stop.”
Try to drop the rest of the thought. This takes practice, because those thoughts have a lot of “psychic inertia” and that’s why they need a “Stop Sign.” Use it liberally.
Doubt hopelessness.
Just for today.
Beauty and the Beast
A Buddhist tale tells of the importance of facing things we'd rather not at times :
Three monks went toward a gate.
The first monk went up to it but a snarling beast was there. He shook with fear and ran but the beast ran after him and ate him.
The second monk went to the gate and also ran away but the beast caught up with him and gobbled him up.
The third monk approached the gate and sized up the beast quickly. He gave the beast no time to gnarl but charged at him yelling fiercely.
The beast whimpered, placed its tail between its legs and ran like mad away from the monk.
The moral of the tale is to face your fears before they eat you up.
Being yourself includes facing your fears and not letting them get the better of you, for as soon as you let fear run your life, you start marching to other people's tunes, often tunes aimed at making you subservient, obedient, and in conformity with their preferences.
Ponder on what your fears are doing to YOU.
Set yourself free.
Just for today
Saucy picture
Remember that this is what your negative experiences are - opportunities to grow.
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