STEP FOUR

THE THERAPY. 

As discussed, given that fact that we are individuals, our solutions need to be bespoke and tailored to our needs and our abilities at the time. 

In view of this, I have made various proposals for step four, the therapy.

I must just make it clear that, the group option has far better advantages than the solo option - but I believe wholeheartedly that either option has the potential to create improvements. The most successful therapy is using both options.

I found many of these activities and worksheets  on the internet, and believe that if we are committed to doing them, they have the ability to assist us in some very valuable attitude transformation.

Date yourself :
The internet is full of great suggestions on activities you can do on your dates. Just type "date yourself" into the search bar, and voila, many articles come up to give you innovative ideas in romancing your self.
It is important that you record your "self dates" in your gratitude journal, because it forms the new history of yourself and how you relate to yourself. 
Before attempting a ‘date with yourself’, here are a few things to keep in mind:

• Remove Disturbances – unplug your phone, switch off your cell phone and blackberry, shut down the computer, turn off the TV. Do not let your mind get distracted during your self-date. This is your time to just be with yourself.
• Being Solo – It’s important that you are on your own. You can talk to strangers, and make new friends, but you are on the self-date to get acquainted with yourself, no one else. If you live with a partner, schedule it so he/she isn’t home, or just take yourself out of the house. If you have kids, find a baby-sitter, or plan around when your kids are not at home. It’s also important to realize that this time is a gift for yourself, and you should only be focused on your well-being.
• Schedule - Plan how long you would like your dates to last. Set a minimum time, and commit to focus on yourself for at least that time. How long you want your date to be is entirely up to you, but it may never be less than 90 minutes.
• Communicate - if you are in a relationship, it’s important to communicate what you are doing and it’s benefits clearly with your partner. Not only do we get their support, but also avoid any misunderstandings or neglect.

Here are some ideas for ‘dates with yourself’. You can intermix several activities below into one date:

• Reading Date – Go to a trendy, quiet café (it must be out of the house) and read something inspirational for an hour or more. Have a milkshake or a coffee or some hot herbal tea, breathe deeply and enjoy the experience.

• Forgiveness & Gratitude Date – Go to a place of beauty, like a park or nursery or, if you are lucky enough to live near the sea, a beach. Find a comfortable spot, and write
• Forgive – Write on a journal or loose paper all the things you forgive yourself for. We know how cruel our egos are to us and how we voluntarily blame ourselves internally for failures, failures of achievement, failures to action, etc. Take this time to forgive yourself for all the harsh things said, for mistreatment of your health, etc.
• Gratitude – List out all the things in your life you are thankful for. This is my favourite thing to do, as the results are tangible, I can feel a lift every time I do it.
• Admiration - List out all the things that others admire about you. What are some things they’d say that you are good at or have natural abilities towards? Notice that I wanted you to pretend to be another person looking at yourself. We tend to blank on this question when asking ourselves directly.
• Movie Date – Go see a feel good movie.. Treat yourself to popcorn and laugh.
• Yoga or Meditation Date – Take a yoga or meditation class. There are places all over Johannesburg where you can do this - and it is really a great opportunity to practice clearing your mind.
• Go for a walk– Go for a long walk in an area that interests you. Go to a park, go to a flea market. Wander without rushing. 

 

GROUP OPTION : Self Love Club

I am not really the book club type, but admire them for their possibilities to be a great place to meet other people who who share our interests.  Set up a group - at least two people - and meet at least monthly to unpack, support, and do affirming activities together. So, bottoms up everyone :-)

 

RECOMMENDED ACTIVITIES

1. How to love yourself worksheet     

INTRODUCTION

Print and complete the how to love yourself worksheet.

This  is  not  a  list  of  what  you  like  doing   it  is a  list  of  what  you   honour   and   appreciates   about   your self.  If   you   have   difficulty  writing  this  list,  then  focus  on  what  you  like  doing.    For  example:     if   you   like   riding   a   bicycle   ask   yourself:      What   are   the   gifts, talents,   skills   and   abilities   I   demonstrate   through   this   activity?  

Your   responses   may   include:      my   spirit   of   adventure,   my  stamina,   my athletic  abilities,  etc.  .  .  

Keep  your  completed  worksheet  handy.  

When  you  are  feeling  low  self-esteem   and   unhappy   read   your   completed   worksheet   aloud   while   looking   in   a   mirror  focusing   your   attention   on   your gifts,   talents,   skills   and   abilities.  

Then   acknowledge   yourself   for   re-focusing   your   attention  on loving  yourself.  

Notice  your  attitude  change.  

Instructions:

1.  List  what  you  honour  and  appreciate  about  yourself  -  your gifts,  talents,   skills and  abilities.    

Here  are  some  questions  to  consider  while  making   your  list:   

• What  do  I  appreciate  about  who  I  am? 
• What  are  my  strengths? 
• What  do  my  friends  appreciate  about  me?   
• What  do  I  like  about  others?
• Which  of  these  characteristics  do  I have? 
• How  would  people  who  love  me  describe  me?

2. My Definition of Success is:

This worksheet is from Sponsor Success (A Workbook for Turning Good Intentions Into Positive Results) written by Bob Younglove.

Complete the sections below:

Success in your physical life (health, energy, fitness, etc.) =

Success in your mental life (thinking, knowledge, memory, etc.) =

Success in your spiritual life (faith, values, peace, etc.) =

Success in your personal life (character, satisfaction, etc.) =

Success in your family life (relationships, love, helping, etc.) =

Success in your work life (career, reputation, achievement, etc.) =

Examples

Success in my physical life:

·      My body is lean, fit, strong and flexible.

·      I workout 4-5 times a week.

·      I sleep well through the night.

·      I eat healthy, nutritious food.

Success in My Mental Life

·      I am calm.

·      I appreciate things.

·      I am organized.

·      I schedule time for me.

·      I am patient.

·      My self-talk is loving.

Success in My Spiritual Life

·      I meditate for 20 minutes 5 times a week.

·      I nurture my connection to the divine.

·      I am patient, kind and loving

Success in My Personal Life

·      I feel good about myself.

·      I have achieved the things I want to achieve.

·      I help others.

·      I am able to support myself.

·      I help others

Success in My Family Life

·      I have a loving relationship with my husband.

·      I have great friends.

·      I enjoy my family.

·      I have a loving relationship with my brothers and sisters.

·      I have compassion for my mother

Success in my work life

·      I am excited about my work.

·      I earn a good living.

·      I use my talents, skills and abilities.

·      My work is helpful to others

WHAT  I  BELIEVE  WORKSHEET     

Print and Complete the What I Believe Worksheet to identify your beliefs.

Keep your completed Self Esteem Worksheet handy.

The next time you are feeling low self esteem, unhappy or are judging yourself harshly read your What I Believe Worksheet and identify the beliefs that detract from positive self esteem and then create a new belief to boost self confidence.

Then notice your attitude change.

1. Write  the  beliefs  you  learned  about  yourself  when  you  were  young  from   your:  

a. Mother:  

b. Father:  

c. Siblings:  

d. Friends:

e. Teachers:  

f. Others:  

2. Which  of  these  messages  continue  to  dominate  your  thoughts  today?  

3. Which  messages  support  confidence,  happiness  and  satisfaction?

4. Are  these  messages  truth  or  simply  a  belief  (a  thought  that  has  been   thought  so  often  that  you  believe  it  is  truth)?  

5. Which  messages  do  you  want  to  change  to  improve  your  self-esteem?  

6. Write  the  new  thoughts  you  choose  to  believe  to  support  your  positive   self-esteem,  confidence  and  happiness:

DATE YOURSELF

Your First date:

Instructions: Use our How to Love Yourself Worksheet to acknowledge your gifts, talents, skills and abilities.

1. Print and Complete the Self Esteem Activities: How to Love Yourself Worksheet.

2. Keep your completed Worksheet handy. When you are feeling low self esteem and unhappy read your completed Worksheet and focus your attention on your gifts, talents, skills and abilities. Then acknowledge yourself for re-focusing your attention on loving yourself.

How to Love Yourself Worksheet - Sample Responses

1. List what you honor and appreciate about yourself - your gifts, talents, skills and abilities:

My sense of humor

My commitment to feeling good about myself

My willingness to help others

Openness to learn new things

2. When you've completed your list, read it aloud while looking in a mirror. Begin each statement with the words, I Love my:

I Love my sense of humour!
I Love my commitment to feeling good about myself!
I Love my willingness to help others!
I Love my openness to learn new things!

DATE YOURSELF

Date # 2:

Toot Your Horn

Instructions: Use our Self Esteem Activities: Toot Your Horn Worksheet to boost confidence by exploring and identifying what makes your feel good. Regular reminders of these, creates new brain pathways and strengthens your self-esteem muscle.

1. Print it and complete the statements. If you cannot answer an item, don't worry - simply complete what you can.

2. Keep your completed self-esteem Worksheets handy. The next time you're feeling low self esteem and need a self esteem boost read your Toot Your Horn worksheet and be reminded of your natural resources and personal power.

Toot Your Horn Worksheet - Sample Statements

1. I like myself because:

2. I'm an expert at:

3. I feel good about:

4. My friends would tell you I have a great:

5. My favourite place is:

DATE YOURSELF

Date # 3:

Self Confidence Worksheet

Our self esteem activities and self esteem worksheets are expertly designed to transform your attitude, feelings and actions when you're experiencing low self esteem.
When your confidence is low, how do you react? Do you:

Blame others?

Withdraw?
Get angry?

Cry?

This self-esteem activity gives you the tools to transform uncomfortable and painful situations allowing you to feel powerful and confident.

The more you practice it, the more times you will strengthen your self esteem muscle.

Instructions: Use our Self Confidence Worksheet to explore and identify what makes you feel good and bad.

1. Print it and complete the statements.

2. Keep your completed Self Esteem Worksheets handy. The next time you're feeling low self esteem and need a self esteem boost read your Self Confidence Worksheet and be reminded of your personal power.

Self Confidence Worksheet - Sample Responses

Part 1: Feeling Good

Think of a situation in which you experienced confidence and a feeling of satisfaction and self worth. Then answer the following questions:

1. Describe the situation: It was my birthday. I was at my party that my friends Jane, Eve and Bo has made for me. I was surrounded by my friends and family. I was glad to see my friends and let them know how much I appreciate them. And the food was great too!

2. What were you saying/thinking to yourself about this situation (your self talk)?

I'm so happy to be with my friends and family.
I'm so grateful for the wonderful people in my life.
I am loved.

3. How did you feel - physically and emotionally?

Happy
Loved
Graceful
Beautiful
Comfortable in my body

4. What actions did you take?

I easily hugged people.

I expressed my love for my friends in our conversations.
I asked for advice about my new project.
I laughed a lot.

Part 2: Feeling Bad

Think of a situation in which you experienced a lack of confidence and low self esteem. Then answer the following questions:

1. Describe the situation: I went on a job interview, for a position I was excited about. I got stuck in traffic and because I couldn't get a signal on my cell phone I was unable to call and say I'd be late. I was so nervous during the interview that I didn't do a good job answering the questions.

DATE YOURSELF

Date # 4:

UPGRADING YOUR SOFTWARE :

Benefits of Positive Thinking Vs
Your Voice of Doubt

 

To experience the Benefits of Positive Thinking use this information and exercise:

Have you ever noticed that when you commit to generating positive thoughts you still hear the voice of doubt, fear and uncertainty running like an endless recording in your mind?

You boldly create an affirmation, "I focus my attention on a positive thoughts, words and actions." But, whenever you write it and say it you also hear other - powerful negative - affirmations in your mind: "Who are you kidding you’re so judgmental? This is too hard, what's positive about having more bills than I can pay? I just don't know how to do this."

Overlaying a positive thought on a belief that is at odds with the affirmation is not enough to upgrade the software of your mind. It’s like putting a bandage on a wound without first cleaning the wound and applying the appropriate medicine. You won’t see the wound directly, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exit.

To truly create a new brain pathway based on your positive thinking, you must free your heart and mind from your negative programming not merely cover it up with a new thought that you really don’t believe.

You may be wondering, Okay - how do I do this? Often installing positive thinking software begins with an awareness of your negative thinking. Here’s how it works:

 

Benefits of Positive Thinking Exercise

1. Identify something you are not happy about in your life right now (an unhappy relationship, being overweight, being unemployed, a strained relationship with a family member or friend, etc…)

2. Choose 1 item and create a positive thinking power statement that defines what you desire. (My relationship is a source of joy in my life. I love and honor my body, etc…)

3. Take a piece of paper and fold it in half. One the left hand-side write your positive affirmation. On the right-hand side write the thoughts - whatever thoughts - pop into your mind in reaction to your affirmation.

Here’s an example:

Ø  I love, appreciate and care for my body /But I’m overweight

Ø  I love, appreciate and care for my body/I weigh too much

Ø  I love, appreciate and care for my body/I’m too lazy

Ø  I love, appreciate and care for my body /It’s too hard

Ø  I love, appreciate and care for my body/I don’t stick with healthy exercise and eating

4. Look for themes in the statements on the right side of the page. In the example above the themes include: a lack of confidence, concerns about this being too hard, doubt in success.

5. Take those themes and incorporate them into the positive thinking affirmation so it becomes:

I am easily successful in loving, appreciating and caring for my body.

I am supported as I effortlessly love, appreciate and care for my body in my thoughts, words and actions.

My thoughts, words and behavior reflect the love, appreciation and care I give to my body.

6. To further reinforce and tap into the true potency of your positive thinking affirmation, use the full resources of your imagination to create a visualization of your positive thinking affirmation accomplished.

For example:

I am wearing my beautiful new black dress at my birthday party. I hear my family and friends singing Happy Birthday to me. I feel confident, beautiful and healthy. I know how satisfying a small piece of my strawberry shortcake birthday cake tastes.

Visualizing greatly increases the benefits of positive thinking.

Visualize the scene of your positive thinking affirmative power statement fully accomplished - as though it is occurring right now - and you are feeling the feelings of associated with your heart’s desire.

DATE YOURSELF

Date # 5:

Cultivating Gratitude Enriches Your Life!

A Self Esteem Exercise

By cultivating gratitude, you begin a cycle that actually attracts healthy self-esteem, a positive attitude and good things into your life. No matter who you are, what circumstances you are facing, or how overwhelming life may seem at times, there are always reasons to be thankful. When you live your life with an attitude of thankfulness, you begin to see yourself and the world in a different light.

When you acknowledge What Is Right In My Life, you experience greater joy, confidence, and trust in your ability to successfully meet and deal with the challenges of life. Problems

do not seem as overwhelming when you take a few moments each day to count your

blessings and appreciate those who enrich your lives.

Begin cultivating gratitude by making a gratitude list and read it regularly as a reminder to be thankful everyday. Research has shown that people who practice gratitude everyday are healthier and happier.

What are you grateful for?

Directions for Using a Gratitude List

• Get started by picking items from our list, below, that reflect what you are grateful for or create your own list.
• Read your list aloud, slowly and actually feeling grateful.
• Notice how you feel, when you make the time for cultivating gratitude. For example, when I focus on the items on my gratitude list my energy changes. My mind slows down, my breath deepens, my self esteem is enhanced and I embody a positive attitude. I connect to my heart-centered essence feeling calm, peaceful and relaxed.

A daily practice of cultivating gratitude, can transform your thoughts and as a result enrich your life.

I am grateful for….

• A roof over my head. I am thankful that I have a home to live in and a safe place to lay my head at night.
• Clothing. I am grateful that I have clothes to keep me warm and dry, and shoes to protect my feet. I am thankful that I have several outfits to choose from so I can feel comfortable, confident, and beautiful.
• Transportation. I am thankful that I have a car so I can drive to work, the mall, or visit a friend.
• Television. I am thankful that I have a television so I can watch shows that make me laugh, cry, or keep me informed.
• My Computer. I am thankful that I have access to a computer to help me work, learn and play.
• Friends and community. I am thankful for the groups of people I am connected with, the clubs I participate in and the charities I am able to serve.
• Food. I am grateful that I have good and healthy food to eat and safe water to drink.
• Freedom. I am thankful that I am alive and live in a free country.
• My dreams. I am thankful that I have the freedom to dream and to pursue those dreams
• My skills and talents. I am thankful that I have the skills I need to read, write, and do the work I choose.
• The opportunity to give. I am proud of the contributions I make to the lives of those around me.
• My Parents. I am thankful for the parents who raised me and encouraged me.
• My Siblings. I am thankful for brothers and sisters who are friends as well as siblings.
• My spouse/partner. I am thankful that I have a partner who loves me.
• Friends. I am thankful for the friends who make me laugh and are always there whenever I need them, to support and encourage me.
• My work. I am thankful I have a job and a good working relationship with my colleagues.
• My Pet. I am thankful for my dog, who always is excited to see me and makes me laugh
• I am grateful for those little things that I often take for granted, including:

- A breathtaking sunset

- My child’s laughter

- A mountaintop view

- Feeling the wind on my face and the warmth of the sun

- A rainbow

A gratitude list is the perfect way to begin cultivating gratitude in your life. Read it daily and add to it regularly. Soon, being thankful will come naturally, and you will begin to enjoy all the benefits of a life governed by gratitude.

Try another gratitude activity - Use our Gratitude Journal Worksheet.

What does success mean to YOU? Define success for each of the major areas of your life.

• Success in your physical life (health, energy, fitness, etc.) =
• Success in your mental life (thinking, knowledge, memory, etc.) =
• Success in your spiritual life (faith, values, peace, etc.) =
• Success in your personal life (character, satisfaction, etc.) =
• Success in your family life (relationships, love, helping, etc.) =
• Success in your work life (career, reputation, achievement, etc.) =

Self-confidence is the difference between feeling unstoppable and feeling scared out of your wits. Your perception of yourself has an enormous impact on how others perceive you. Perception is reality — the more self-confidence you have, the more likely it is you’ll succeed.