Crucify

Tori Amos, I believed beyond a shadow of a doubt, wrote this song about me. 

As I moved from adolescence to adulthood - I realised she had written a song that so many people related to because she new the true pandemic : self hatred. 

These feelings of unworthiness are the root of self hate patterns which sabotage happiness.

See if these words touch deep, because if they do...self hatred it manipulating you : 

"Every finger in the room
Is pointing at me
I wanna spit in their faces
Then I get afraid of what that could bring
I got a bowling ball in my stomach
I got a desert in my mouth
Figures that my courage would choose to sell our now
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Just what God needs
One more victim

[Chorus:]
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
And my heart is sick of being in chains

Got a kick for a dog
Beggin' for Love
I gotta have my suffering
So that I can have my cross
I know a cat named Easter
He says will you ever learn
You're just an empty cage girl
If you kill the bird
I've been looking for a savior in these dirty streets
Looking for a savior beneath these dirty sheets
I've been raising up my hands
Drive another nail in
Got enough guilt to start
My own religion
Please be
Save me
I cry

[Chorus:]
Why do we
Crucify ourselves
Every day
I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day
And my heart is sick of being in chains."

Cheesy but true. 
Let's not to this to ourselves.

Just for today.

Cognitive Dissonance

Adjustment through displaced pain – inner emotional conflict represents as a physical trauma.

Cognitive dissonance is when we don't take time to acknowledge what we feel - and instead manifest the pain in a physical way. So our emotional frustration and difficulty reveal themselves as sickness and physical pain.

Only when we learn to acknowledge our true feelings - HABITUALLY, can we slay this monster. 

Make a commitment to examine this. 

Just for today.

Lies so intricate

Good evening inhabitants of the self destruct nation

We all have a set of beliefs that form a huge part of who we are, and which has been a part of us from our very first experiences. `these beliefs are not a part of our consciousness, but have a life below the surface : our unconscious mind. We create our lives based on what we believe. Changing these beliefs is the most important part of our fight to survive.

I am tired of experiencing life from moment to moment, grasping for shreds of identity to connect each fragment of experience to the next: trial and failure, collapse and self-assertion which results in deluged state.

The masochists are more often than not individuals who have been embarrassed as a child. They have been made to feel worthless and inadequate.

They are usually very hard workers since they have strong desire for recognition from others.

They have an accurate perception of others’ behaviour. Very often their intelligence is blocked by their distrust towards the world, which makes their personal life very dark.

These intricate lies create a sinking in quicksand situation, in which every single effort will make the person sink in deeper, its not dead end, but continuous struggle which is not a static state but a completely dynamic mobile existence.

I am an arms dealer
 

Fitting you with weapons in the form of words......

Try it out. 

Just for today.

I'm a hazard to myself

"Every day I fight a war against a mirror
I can't take the person staring back at me
I'm a hazard to myself
don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
it's bad when you don't know yourself
so irritating
don't want to be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else..."

PINK 






I really admire PINK for explaining the feeling - and making a statement about it. She really helps dispel the myth that everybody belongs to the "happy happy perfect people club".


We are not alone. We are not freaks. 

And, more importantly, we can, just for today, be kind to ourselves.